Women's Equality Day, Hooray!

This photo is as germane now as it was then. As the 2012 election cycle continues to spin, please think carefully about who and what you are voting for. These aren't just policies being discussed by our political leaders, these are people's lives, rights, and freedoms. If we allow those to be taken away from some, we are not the democracy we claim to be.

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

Kindle Book Review: A Great Indie Author Resource

Fellow indie authors, I just wanted to a do a quick post to bring your attention to this great website: http://thekindlebookreview.net. And for those who already know it, to help get the word out that they DIDN’T disappear, just switched to Wordpress from Blogger (thanks, apparently, to a cataclysmic tech fail).The Kindle Book Review is a fantastic resource that I happened upon while aimlessly surfing the internet researching indie author sites. They are great for running contests, such as the Best Indie Books contest, and for helping authors with promotions.They are indeed still alive and kicking and have asked for help getting the word out, so here’s my bit. I encourage y’all to check them out if you haven’t already and maybe lend a hand to help them recover from their recent Blogger catastrophe by doing any of the following:1) Retweet KBR tweets @Kindlbookreview, "Like" their facebook page, share, etc. This will confirm to authors/readers that they are still alive.2) Share their new url: http://thekindlebookreview.net (do not shrink the link so folks can see their full address). Sample tweet: Yea! The Kindle Book Review @Kindlbookreview is still alive and kicking. See our new site here ~> http://thekindlebookreview.net3) Visit their site and take advantage of their many great author opportunities.

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

Summer Movie Review Mash-up

I know I’m a little late writing up reviews of the following three movies, despite the fact that I went to all three on opening weekend. That should give you a pretty solid sense of how underwhelmed I was by all of them. *frowny face* Am I being obtuse, or has Hollywood simply forgone strong plots and characterization for off-the-reservation special effects? Or maybe it’s the writer in me; I spend so much time focusing on the story arc and development that I have lost touch with the point of sitting in a really dark room, surrounded by ten foot high speakers, staring at a screen that is large enough to serve as a helicopter landing pad. In other words, experiencing complete auditory and visual overload (which is a completely separate experience from the cognitive and cerebral experience of absorbing a good story). Do the other writers out there have this same issue?

And also, after the lobe-blowing let down of Prometheus, I do believe I have become hopelessly jaded.Abraham Lincoln: Vampire HunterI’ll start out with this one because it was by far the best--for what it was. I had no expectations for ALVH other than being entertained by some unbelievable special effects and general storyline silliness. In these things, it did not disappoint. ALVH had three exceptional things going for it: fun characters; interesting plot, especially in terms of reinventing history; and outstanding fight scenes. The one complaint I have is that the story covered far too long of a timespan to really allow viewers to settle into the characters and vicariously experience their inner struggles. There was a lot of glossing over of interpersonal conflicts and psychological development. That being said, there was enough of a hint at the grander details the story must contain in the novel that I definitely left the movie wanting to read it. And, surprisingly, it passes the Bechdel Test.The Amazing SpidermanI have to admit, I was confused about this one. What happen to Mary Jane? What happened to Norman and Harry Osborn and the Green Goblin who I thought were integral to the original Spiderman origin story? Granted, I haven’t read a comic book since I was maybe ten, but I found a re-telling of this story without the original cast of characters to be very off-putting. All of the actors in TAS did a good job and were believable in their roles, and the special effects were generally fun, but the story just really dragged along. Essentially, it’s the story of a fringe-dwelling teenage genius who solves incredible genetics-based problems (that the world’s top scientists can’t??), struggles to impress a high school beauty (who somehow has the time and lab experience to also work in a genetics lab??), copes with the loss of both his parents and his beloved uncle, and is transformed into one tough hombre through a spider bite. There are holes, and lots of them, throughout the plot (like, how does he manage to synthesize the benefits of the genetically-modified spider’s bite, while his nemesis can’t? And how did no one in this high-powered lab notice that the spider’s venom could lead to such amazing benefits in the first place?), and the story itself took quite a long time to actually head in any definitive direction, like saving the world from an evil scientist. Not to mention a scene lifted directly out of Gleaming the Cube. This one was a solid “meh” and a full failure in regards to the Bechdel Test. I’m sure fifteen year old boys loved/will love it, however.Total RecallThis iteration of Total Recall had a couple of marked improvements over the first: the settings and special effects (which kind of go without saying since it’s been gasp twenty-two years since the original came out). The fight scenes were fantastic, especially those involving Kate Beckinsale, who pulled off quality bad-assery nearly as fine as Sharon Stone in the original, and the overall look and feel of the two cities (plus a bonus ruined landscape) where all the events take place were quite elegant and well designed. But that’s where the magic ends.One complaint I have with Total Recall redux is that all of the characters are completely cardboard. All of them. Kate’s character, Lori Quaid, runs around pissed off and intent on killing Quaid. Quaid, played by Colin Eyebrows, er, Farrell, runs around confused and ready to fight, and Jessica Biel’s character, Melina, runs around bummed that Quaid can’t remember her but intent on making sure his brain gets dissected by a new character, leader of the resistance, Mattias (played by Bill Nighy, who really looked like he just wanted to take a nap instead of be in this film). Besides Nighy, everyone, as described, does a lot of running around and fighting or shooting things, and not much else.There are two other major flaws in the film, which are inter-related. For an unknown reason, the writers dramatically changed the plot from Schwarzenegger’s TR. Instead of the story taking place on Mars with a focus on its alien artifacts and the element turbidium, the mining and distribution of which is being controlled by a corporation run by the evil Cohaagen, everything occurs on earth and Cohaagen is transformed into a despotic political leader played by Bryan Cranston. The new story is that Earth was devastated by chemical warfare and there are only two livable regions left, basically the UK and Australia. The people living in Australia are low-paid servants to the metropolitan dwellers of the UK and commute every day through the Earth’s core to work in UK-based factories (why the factories, which would seem to be giant waste-producing facilities that would muck up the pristine metro environment of the UK aren’t based in Oz isn’t explained). SPOILER: The gist is, the UK is running out of living space (because they didn’t realize how much room the factories would take up, presumably) and Quaid knows that Cohaagen is planning to wipe out the population of Oz to make room for the excess UK population (which would leave no one to work in the factories???). The only obstacle is the Resistance, which Quaid, in his original role as a member of Cohaagen’s goon squad, is supposed to infiltrate, much along the lines of the original movie.So, the flaws. Besides the traveling through the Earth’s core idea being rather boring when compared to the elaborate infrastructural implications and physiological variations resulting from the Mars motif in TR One, not to mention the ever-present threat of the livable Martian infrastructure being breached and the inhabitants dying an eye-popping, tongue-extruding death, Cohaagen’s character is completely inconsistent with the world he apparently leads. The idea put forth in the thin storyline is that he rose through the ranks in the chemical wars as a ruthless warlord, yet somehow becomes an esteemed and respected leader in a fairly mellow, egalitarian, and orderly modern society in the UK. Yet, in all of his screen time, his character does nothing but revel in the idea that he gets to wipe out a couple million people and can’t wait to share the fun with his good buddy Quaid (once Quaid is reverted back into his original persona as a bloodthirsty assassin). None of it really makes sense. How does a bad guy thrive as the leader of the free world when all he wants to do is wipe out half of said free world?Long story short, TRr had a gaggle of sparsely drawn characters running around inside a very thinly fleshed out plot. Worst of all, really, is that there were none of the classic one-liners Schwarzzenegger is so adept at. Plus, it fails the Bechdel Test.See you at the party, Richter!

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

When "To Have and To Hold" Isn't Enough

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF3z12-HZyM&w=420&h=315]You've thought about it, right? You know, IT. The zombpoc. You've started preparing, planning escape routes, gathering supplies, reading up on homemade early warning systems and HAM radio operation, boosting your cardio. All those things that mean when the zombies start munching their way down your block with the same zeal an overweight WASP on holiday munches his way down a Golden Corral All-You-Can-Eat buffet, you'll be relaxing in your Hesco-basket fortified compound, sipping a Perrier and enjoying a technicolor view of exactly what an automated 50 cal on a tripod does to a hapless, lumbering meatsack. In a surprising number of ways, we must admit, the aftershock of the zombpoc will be a lot easier than the day-to-day pressure of work, family, domestic duties, repeat. At least you know you don't have to worry about impressing your boss or getting swindled by that damn mechanic at Les Schwabs again.But let's face it. Things might get a little lonely if you're the only one who's been readying for this event. You may have a significant other, but what if they don't make it? Or maybe there's a special someone that you've always pined for but never pursued. Maybe that pining has even been mutual; you've both just been too shy or inhibited to make the requisite first move.When the dead start to walk, one lesson we survivors will learn right away: ain't no time to waste.So have you thought about that other important thing? Who you'd like to spend the rest of the apocalypse with? This is going to be one of your biggest considerations, right after weapons, ammo, and water. Take a moment to figure it out. And remember, you're going to be going through literal hell with this person; you're going to be gore-spattered, exhausted, frightened, disheveled, and often in a very big hurry, with them. Your zombpoc lover needs to be someone fast on their feet, comfortable around explosives, versed in strategic tactics, loyal, and willing to make tough decisions. And, while we're listing desirable traits, let's not forget that they really should be hot because a face full of recently shed zombie blood will appear a lot less ghastly if the person who got splattered is attractive to begin with. Don't feel guilty if this person isn't your current spouse. Because, let's face it, that person may not be up to the task of fighting off hordes of zeds, and you may not be up to the task of being responsible for them. Nobody is perfect, after all.Okay, you've decided who your fantasy zombageddon sweetheart would be. Here comes the easy part. My zombpocalypse co-writer Mark C. and I have drafted an abbreviated wedding ceremony and vows that will help you cement that union when the shit hits the fan. It's easy, quick, convenient, and most importantly of all (I think you'll agree), rife with heart-thumping romance...As much as is possible when thirty of your once-neighbors-now-intestinal-contents-drenched-brains-in-the-teeth-walking-locusts are beating against your door. Don't worry, you won't need any witnesses for this ceremony (but guards are a bonus), and a pastor is likewise optional. Just gather your AK and your best bottle of bourbon, hacksaw a ring-shaped end from an appropriately sized pipe (titanium, if you can find it; copper is too soft and could end up getting squished onto your beloved's finger and forcing an amputation, which makes wielding a knife or machete a bit difficult.), stare into your lover's eyes, and say:Darling,I want you by my side, and none other. To that effect, Imake the following vows to you:I will always have your six.I will always save the last magazine for you.I will always give you first dibs on any canned fruit or veggies.I will always take the first watch so you can watch the sun rise.I will always enter the building first.I will always be the bait, distraction or decoy.I will always make sure your blades are sharp.I will never burn a book, no matter how badly we need fuel.And if you are bit by a zed, I will always put you down before you turn.(If your zombpoc spouse has their own set of vows, terrific, but if not, hand these over.)Dearest,I willingly and happily choose to walk by your side throughout the end days. I vow to:Always have your six as well.Always keep a spare mag at the ready when you need one.Make a point to figure out how to cook something edible from things in cans mixed with rat meat.Give you first watch so your sleep is never interrupted.Clean your rifles after a hard day of zed killing if I stayed behind to guard camp.Siphon fuel from tanks to spare you from the horrible taste of gasoline.Track down and hoard batteries and solar battery chargers so we can keep our iPods functioning and never go without music.Practice my aim daily so you don't have to worry.Work out my throwing arm to ensure maximum effectiveness with grenades.And, like you, if you are bit by a zed, I will always put you down before you’re turned.You may kiss your zombpoc spouse. But just as a precaution, wipe the blood off first.

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

Confessions of a Post-Structuralist Cat Admirer: I'm in Love With Henri

But what is love? Is it truth; or merely a facsimile of emotion created by this ever-oppressive social order. Who can know, but the knower? Perhaps Henri can tell us more.

"My thumbs are not opposable, yet I oppose everything."

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U&w=560&h=315]

"Immortalized on the wall; forgotten on the floor."

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34z5dCmC4M&w=560&h=315]

"I am told I am famous on the internet. But for what? My torment?"

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiYUzYozsAQ&w=560&h=315](I'd be willing to bet a gold-plated fountain pen that this blog title is an original Google search term.)

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

Parlance Pandemonium, Vexatious Vernacular, and Loose Lingo: Language and the Power of Words

This is a post about the relationships between language and the words that we use, writing, cycling, and feminism. Given the wide range of subject matter, you can probably guess you’re in for a meandering and possibly, though I'll do my best not to make it, obtuse undercurrent direct from my often muddy stream of consciousness. But hey, this isn't an academic research paper, and you probably wouldn't read it if it were.Trigger! Warning! Disclosure! Flashy Red Lights! I’ll be using words that most people find either offensive or bawdily humorous from here forward. Here's a good chance for you to grab a cool beverage and maybe tab over to Twitter to check up on the current cycling race or [fill in the blank] sport updates. Or just skip down to the last couple of paragraphs that focus on writing. Your choice.As so often happens to me—I can't imagine why—I was recently involved in a debate about the use of the "c" word. Nope, not Clinton, the other "c" word. Yep, cunt. You see, I have this reputation as a feminist, probably not a big surprise to you, dear readers, and to many feminists, and women in general, the “c” word is considered the lowest, meanest insult there is. I don’t see it that way.Let me back up and tell you why cunt became such a, if I may, hot topic. And this is where cycling comes into the flow. Because, yunno, cycling is just another “c” word, at least to some. (Looking at you, Novitsky and Tygart.)Procyclist and one of the favorites for this year’s Tour de France Bradley Wiggins gave a press conference last week where he flung vitriol and expletives at those who claim any cyclist who could win the TdF must be a doper. I chimed in with my full support of his tirade, which caused a close friend to question in what universe a feminist ideology can be accepting of anyone using the “c” word, especially in the pejorative sense. Wiggo said,

I say they’re just fucking wankers. I cannot be dealing with people like that. It justifies their own bone-idleness because they can’t ever imagine applying themselves to do anything in their lives. It’s easy for them to sit under a pseudonym on Twitter and write that sort of shit, rather than get off their arses in their own lives and apply themselves and work hard at something and achieve something. And that’s ultimately it. Cunts.

I should mention that Wiggo, in case you hadn’t noticed, is a Brit and, in my understanding, the “c” word is a much more commonplace and universal pejorative in the UK than here. In other words, not quite as charged and anti-woman as in the US. I could be wrong in this assumption, however, since my closest association with English culture comes from growing up listening to the Clash and yes, cough, even Duran Duran.So why am I not opposed to being called the “c” word? Happy you asked, because it gives me a chance to tout one of my all-time favorite books, Inga Muscio's Cunt. Yep, that's the name of the book. It’s usually not shelved in the children’s section at your local bookstore. However, it is one of the greatest feminist reads you'll ever purchase, and she is a lovely and talented writer. The gist of why the title is that word is based on a sociolinguistic strategy of language reclamation. As you probably know, there is an intersection between feminist and sociolinguistic theory that revolves around language and how it is used / wielded to maintain a status quo. Part of the premise of Muscio's book discusses the origins of the word (originally a venerated goddess), and how it was co-opted by patriarchal forces and turned into a epithet. She analyzes how and why this type of thing happens (you should read Cunt and Rianne Eisler’s The Chalice and the Blade for a deeper discussion of this), and then boldly discusses how women have it within our power to reclaim the words that once stood for our strength and dynamism—cunt being one of the most loaded—and in essence, turn the tactics used to derogate them back around.I read Cunt for the first time over ten years ago. Since then, I've never really considered the use of the word derogatory—in the sense that I think that anyone who calls me a cunt in an offensive way is really just saying, "I fear your strength and power and am cluelessly using this weak term in an attempt to establish dominance over you (and failing miserably)." In other words, I take it as a roundabout compliment when someone calls me a cunt. Yeah, I get that it’s NOT really a compliment, but the lesson here is that language is dynamic and requires both an actor and a receiver to give it veracity.And finally, because I’m a writer and a lot of you are writers, let me bring this subject back around to how it relates to, well, writing.We love words. It’s a flamboyant, fathomless, messy, challenging, salacious, and sometimes painful love affair that forces us to do terrible, terrible things. We kill people; we level buildings, cities, hell, sometimes even entire planets; we kick puppies and bury our in-laws alive in hidden coffins. Why? Because we can! Because the words are there, and we revel in leveraging them to achieve any and all nefarious deeds our demented minds can dream up. Being the wordsmiths that we are, we care A LOT about the structure and intent of our every sentence and every word. We are the type of people that will often recompose the same email dozens of times, even if it’s simply to say “I’ll be there for dinner,” in order to ensure that just the right amount of enthusiasm or reticence is beaming through our recipient’s screen of choice. We have been known to throw out five or ten synonyms at time for a single word in a heated debate because we’re too impassioned to settle for just one.We, above most, understand that language, dialect, syntax, accent, and inflection are all key components of our writing, especially vis-à-vis characterisation. Applied carefully and deliberately, they become critical components in how we shape our readers’ grasp and impressions of our characters’ personalities, attributes, tastes, thoughts, intentions, and overall existence. Without unique and specific applications of language, all characters would sound, and thus in our readers’ minds BE, the same. And this strict attention to language doesn’t stop at characterisation, but extends as far as the tone of our novels and stories. The way we develop our narrators’ patterns of speech and the words they use flavors our works, making them either light and rich, like a banana cream pie, or heavy and dark, like a Kells Guinness Stout Cake.In summary, words are the magic wand that we, as writers, wield with all the dexterity of a Hogwarts graduate. It’s a heavy and shifting responsibility, but we embrace it because we are power-hungry despots whose one goal in life is to bend and warp the minds of our minions. What better way to achieve this than through the thing we all share: language.

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

For the Ones We Lean On

We all have that one friend. You know the one I'm talking about. The one that's known us almost forever, the one we've been through the thickest and the thinnest of all things with. That OLD friend who laughed at us when we knocked ourself unconscious in jump school and will NEVER let us live it down (I was merely dazed, dammit!). The friend who knows our most embarrassing secrets, but who will never out us, no matter how much it pains them not to. That friend who, when they wrecked our truck (step one: engage parking brake, step two: put vehicle in neutral, step three: only THEN should you exit), not only paid to have it fixed, but bought us an expensive bottle of single-malt to help drown the disappointment. That friend that knows the perfect gift for an airborne soldier is a flask with our jump wings and nickname engraved on it (Tigger? Really? Just because I sing a lot of Winnie the Pooh songs...). That friend that sends us an amazing "just married" package full of soju and other sundries all the way from Korea in celebration of our wedding (not sure if soju should be considered a gift, actually). The one who never forgets our birthday, mostly to make us feel guilty for always forgetting theirs. The one who readily trusts us and tosses us their car keys when we volunteer to be the designated driver during yet another raucously debauched evening at Ft. Benning--despite the fact that driving a sedan full of drunken grunts around all night is no one's idea of a good time--and who we know wouldn't hesitate to do the same for us. The one we feel utterly comfortable cavorting around the woods with in nothing but our skivvies during a backpacking trip after an Oregon deluge has soaked everything we own into sodden piles of muck. The one who has no problem running headlong into the black ocean in the middle of the night with us to escape the sadistic and deranged North Carolinian sand fleas. The one who "gets" our fetish for Aussie accents and swears he'd get the numbers of all the Aussie SF gents his company links up with in Afghanistan for us if we were still single, and we know he really would. The one who, while visiting his three girlfriends in Moscow, still manages to find the time to pick us up a bottle of the best Russian Standard we'll ever drink. That one who could win awards for the way he swings to the Cherry Poppin' Daddies. That friend who taught us that the quickest and most effective remedy for a hangover is five mile tempo run. The one who has already served a tour in Iraq and whose whole family is no stranger to service and combat; who's brother worked at the Pentagon; whose father was a Special Forces soldier in Laos during the Vietnam War; whose mother experienced first hand the trials and deprivations of Vietnam's occupation by first the French then by Communist forces; yet he still volunteers to make the hard choice and step up for yet another combat tour in the name of his values and country. The friend that insists on helping us clean up the destruction of our house after a full night of partying despite the fact that we both have quadruple vision and have to lean on each other just to stay upright.And that's the friend I'm talking about today, peeps. The one I've leaned on for over fifteen years, and who, during the last eleven years of war in Iraq and Afghanistan, this whole country has. This post is in honor of my friend Al Dupre, his unit, Alpha Company, 1st of the 285th ARB, Arizona National Guard, who shipped out today for a nine month tour of Afghanistan, and all those who have served and are currently serving in one of the five US military branches. We all have loved ones and friends who've served in the two wars of Iraq and Afghanistan and, no matter what our opinions of these wars, we owe it to these courageous people for being willing to literally put themselves in front of bullets to keep us safe. In celebration of this year's Fourth of July holiday, I encourage everyone to send kind and supportive messages to your loved ones and friends serving our country, and remember that it is in no small manner thanks to their bravery, courage, and integrity that we are the nation we are.PS: Apologies for the somberness of this post. Next time, I promise to write something funny. Funny in the way 40 Year Old Virgin would be if David Fincher or Christopher Nolan had directed it. You've been warned.

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

Clear Indicators That You May Be a Bit of a Cyclenaut

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0W__FNIGwA]We all have our peccadilloes; some people have too many cats, some people eat only white food. But I think most people agree, one of the strangest groups out there has to be roadies. In my annual homage to the Tour de France, which begins June 30th, here are a few reasons why "normal" people think roadies are weird.

  • On group rides, we think to ourselves things like, "wow, that guy has a nice set of cranks," or "that woman has one sexy saddle," and we're not referring to their bikes.

  • We feel naked in "normal" clothes because they don't cling like our cycling shorts.

  • No one can sit down in our offices because our bikes are leaning against the chairs. It's not like we're going to leave our babies outside.

  • Instead of things in our houses being fixed with duct tape, they are simply wrapped with old tubes.

  • During most rides, we clearly hear Phil and Paul in your head as they narrate our progress and prompt us to unpack our suitcases of courage.

  • Instead of an extra shirt in our gear bags, we have extra sets of arm and leg warmers.

  • We don't have friends. We have training partners (and this applies to all endurance athletes).

  • When faced with tough choices, we ask ourselves, "What would Lance do?"

  • We LIKE ice baths.

  • We have more cycling apps on our smart phones than we have numbers in our contact lists.

  • We find nothing strange about having around twenty things from which to drink out of in our kitchens, only two of which aren't bike bottles.

  • It seems perfectly reasonable to eat a pint of strawberry ice cream for breakfast on long ride days.

  • We consider it a personal insult when we are passed.

  • We find two-tone skin very appealing.

  • Our senses of propriety and taste are deeply wounded when we see handlebar tape that clashes with a paint job.

  • Full carbon makes us salivate.

  • We test different positions on downhills to see if we can bend the rules of physics to increase our terminal velocity.

  • Squirrels and other darting rodents terrify us.

  • We can eat three pints of strawberry ice cream after a ride and still be at a calorie deficit.

  • Our snot rockets could seriously injure small children.

  • We plan vacation schedules around the Giro and Le Tour.

  • We automatically call out "on your left" when passing other shoppers at the grocery store. (via wejazz)

  • When we compliment someone on their flashy jersey and they say, "bright colors make you faster," we take some time to seriously consider the possibility.

  • We don't think this or this or this are too high a price to pay for a good ride.

  • We no longer crack a grin at the brand names "Syn Lube" and "DZ Nuts." Lubing properly is, after all, serious business.

  • We can barely lift a bowling ball with our upper-body strength, but we could easily lift a Mini Cooper and its Sumo wrestling driver with the strength in our quads alone.

  • We buy or rent houses based largely on the length and quality of our bike commute to work.

  • We even shave your arms.

  • Strawberry ice cream.

  • We have a pet named "Cadence."

  • There are always empty Gu packets in our washing machines. (via wejazz)

  • Dan Wuori (@dwuori on Twitter) cracks us up.

  • We find ways to work exciting anecdotes about today's stage of whatever race into EVERY conversation. Thus, we're left to spend a lot of time talking to ourselves.

  • We buy new bikes instead of replacing our dead kitchen stoves. Whatever, we still have our barbequeuers.

  • We wanted to name our firstborn "Thor." (You know who you are :))

  • We hate gravel with the intensity most people reserve for brutal dictators or the guy who buys the last box of Honey Stingers.

  • Sufferfest.

  • Our partners have learned to preface simple requests of us after a long day of riding with "if you're not too tired..."

  • We read pedaltowardsdeath to be reminded of our mortality.

  • Our bike trainers have their own rooms.

And then of course, there are the Rules. (Thanks to wejazz for telling me about these.) Any and all who understand the above, feel free to add your own!**Just a heads up: I'll be doing a promotional free giveaway of my novel Contract of Defiance for Kindle and Kindle app owners on July 2nd, 3rd and 4th. Swing by Amazon to get your free copy!

Decent People Don't Discuss That Thing That (Sorta) Rhymes With "Kachina"

Michigan lawmakers last week were forced to ban one of their own from speaking on the House floor because, apparently, the use of the word "vagina" could potentially lead to the sudden, heinous, and irreversible destruction of all the moral tenets that separate humanity from the low things that root in the mud and communicate exclusively through grunts and snarls. No, I don't mean Republicrats, but I can see where you'd think that.

Congresswoman Lisa Brown cunningly referred to the "vagina" while debating a new Michigan bill that would limit access to abortion. She was subsequently censored and banned from speaking by House Speaker Jase Boiger on the grounds that she had violated "decorum." Because, yunno, abortion and vaginas are both kinda icky, and there is never a good reason to talk about female anatomy when debating things that relate to, um, female anatomy.

With a vow to defend the vag, Rep. Brown has teamed up with one of said anatomical bit's staunchest supporters to wage an all out war on human decency and challenge the power of the pricks who currently control the Michigan House by rubbing their noses in a whole lotta vag. That's right, she and the Queen of the Coochie Snorcher, Eve Ensler, will spend an afternoon performing the Tony Award-winning Vagina Monologues on the steps of the Michigan State Capitol. Lansing and the surrounding areas have been alerted to the potential that 51% of the state's population may suddenly begin rioting when they learn that the proper name of that hairy triangulate below their belly buttons is, in fact, not officially named the "sincave," "Satan's doorbell," or even a "canker blossom."

In summation, I highly encourage all to visit this website and let Rep. Boinger, oops, I mean Boiger, know exactly how you feel about Americans, especially elected lawmakers, invoking their First Amendment rights to discuss things that could potentially rip to shreds the very fabric of social order. I mean, really, if we start accepting the vag as normal and discussing it publicly, the next thing you know, we might start thinking women should be in charge of them!

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Movie Review: Prometheus

Holy Scott Free! I sprinted to the theater last night to see Prometheus 'cause I've been pretty much DYING for this one, and left Regal with these three words spinning like a gyroscope in freefall through my head: Jumped. The. Shark.Yeah. I know.Ever been to a movie that felt like the screenwriters had gathered for a pre-production brainstorm, wrote down a list of say, a hundred plot points and events, threw them all in a hat, picked the first 25-50, and said, "All right. Let's lay these out in random order and just fill in some basic information in between to make it seem like they all cohere into a more-or-less comprehensible *cough* story, shall we? Oh, by the way, Set and Effects Departments, could you make sure that there's something pretty happening on the screen so the audience will at least feel like the 3D glasses were worth the extra two bucks? Yeah, that would be great."There will be a number of spoilers ahead because I really don't feel like this movie could be any more spoiled. Just so you know.Let's start with characters and character development. No really, Ridley, let's have some. We'd appreciate that in our big screen entertainment. Otherwise, this aimless collection of people walking around sharing bits of disjointed dialogue that frequently has nothing to do with what's actually occurring in the movie is a bit hard to make sense of and not in the least engaging. Let me see if I can sum up for you: two scientists, one of which is more of a dudemanguybro than an actual archeologist, who wish to meet an alien life form who they postulate created humans because, well, how cool would that be? A tough-as-nails, bitchy ship commander who...spends two hours being a tough-as-nails, bitchy ship commander. A gaggle of "scientists" who, in their minimal screen time, behave like a bunch of petulant ten-year-olds who woke up on the wrong side of the bed and fail to actually perform any scientific activities before encountering slimy alien-beings (which, in a totally unsurprising turn of events, promptly attack and destroy). And some ship crewpersons who...crew the ship.That about it? Oh, there was Idris Elba, the wry, pragmatic, hardbitten-but-in-the-end-heroic ship captain. And let's face it, I could watch Idris Elba play a man in a coma and be content for hours. If the movie had been two hours of Idris kicking alien ass and taking tongue-twisting alien names, there might have been a chance it wouldn't have sucked. Might have been.Then there was Michael Fassbender's character, David, the sinister yet necessary (and compulsory, given this being essentially a prequel to Alien) android. Or is that artificial human? In any case, Fassbender pulls off his role with acceptable believability. But would someone please give that man a meatball sandwich? After making Hunger—a stunning film about the hunger strike by IRA-activist Bobby Sands—he apparently didn't get the memo that it's okay for his size-to-weight ratio to be within normal human range.Finally, there was the star of the movie, Noomi Rapace, who plays Doctor Elizabeth Shaw. In the annals of movie stars, I am absolutely certain there's never been another actor who matches her amazing range of distraught chin-quivering. Which is about all she does throughout the film.The moment where the film completely lost me came about forty minutes in. After the sinister robot infects the dudemanguybro with some alien goo, and dudemanguybro and Shaw have an emotional moment about her being unable to reproduce followed by having steamy space sex, Dr. Shaw winds up, gasp!, pregnant. Apparently, this is what the bad robot had planned all along, but how he could have known this would be the result of the goo-laced champagne he gave dudemanguybro is anyone's guess.That's not what lost me, however. Here's where things go from corny to worse. Dr. Shaw learns of this illicit pregnancy and decides to have the extremely handy all-in-one surgery performing booth (which the audience was introduced to early in the film in a moment of totally in-your-face "foreshadowing." Really, it would have been more entertaining if Ridley had just made a cameo appearance during that scene and said something like, "Listen up everyone, this cool piece of tech is going to come in handy later. Wait for it. Waaaaaaaait for it.") give her an emergency C-section with only local anesthetic. The one thing us gore-lovers did get to enjoy was a gritty close-up of this massive open wound, the subsequent removal of the alien baby (which resembled a large wad of phlegm more than anything), and Noomi getting some well-aimed stomach staples.You caught the part where I mentioned this was only forty minutes into the film, right? That's important because after this major abdominal surgery, our heroine gets to run around and fight baddies for another hour and twenty or so. Let me repeat: jump the shark. And for some super questionable script writing, not a single one of the other characters even asks her why she's running around the ship in her bloody underwear with a bunch of staples in her stomach. 'Cause, yunno, apparently in Ridley's imaginings of the near-future, there's nothing strange about that. People have random abdominal surgeries all the time, right? And are more than capable of going for a few laps around the perimeter moments later, right? Right?Let's move on to theme, of which there were a few running through the movie: thwarted mommyhood being the most blaring, which, again, is apparently compulsory in any Alien-derivative piece. There were threads of Freudian parenting and psychosexual development theories, along with touches on the Cassandra Complex, but these moments keep bumping up against sequences of alien attacks and nasty alien viruses causing people to explode. The overall experience was to leave the audience awash in a daze of discomfort and confusion.In the end, the film was simply unsettling. As mentioned, the visuals and some of the tech were quite an achievement. However, they were lost on Prometheus. Too many pointless characters, short bursts of action, and conflicting themes all tumbled around on the screen in disconnected fragments. In a simile that perhaps Ridley would approve of: after all of Prometheus's hype and promise, the experience was somewhat like having the Corporation's drone try to stuff a rolled up magazine down your throat. Some things just don't work out well.Bechdel Test status: Passes. Barely.UPDATE: Another review of Prometheus that is absolutely spot on. Delves more deeply into the vag symbolism (um, should one ever use the words "delves deeply" and "vag" in the same sentence? You be the judge.)

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How Feminists Will Save the Human Race From the Zombocalypse

I strongly suspect that when the zombie apocalypse strikes, the only group of survivors who will be capable of saving the human race from complete obliteration will be feminists. Here's why.1. Feminists are always prepared. When the gore-bespeckled monstrosities come knocking at our doors, most people simply won't believe they could be brain-sucking pariahs and will do what comes naturally to most people—either try and talk some reason into the munching marauders, or run away. Not so feminists. When strange, craven-looking men come knocking at our doors, we barely have to bookmark our place in the latest copy of Ms. Magazine before dealing with the issue at hand. It's a simple matter of choosing which of the variety of blunt instruments we keep ready near every access point to our cat-infested abodes at all times with which to turn those gaping maws and grasping claws into so much pulped tar-tar for Muffin and Tiger to enjoy at their leisure.2. Feminists know where to get weapons. Let's face it, no one knows their way around a home improvement store better than a feminist (who not only will fix that leaky faucet herself, but will search every fuggen aisle of the store for that oh-so-elusive gate diverter before asking some condescending dudebag for help), and there is no place more stocked with zombie-defense paraphernalia than a Home Depot or Lowe's. Once the reality of the zombocalypse has sunk in and we've beaten the maniacal meatsacks from our doorsteps, that's the first place we'll go. And, being naturally inclined towards cultivating consciousness-raising sewing circle enlistees, we'll bring as many women as we meet along the way with us.3. Logic rules the day. When it comes to fighting hordes of hungry horror-show extras, what you need is a cohesive unit. Next to a military platoon, no one has more skill at circling the wagons than feminists. With perceptions sharpened by consistently having to weed friend from foe, feminists can quickly and mechanically size up any group, figure out who's strengths are where, and deploy everyone to immediate and effective action. Fighting through rioting mobs of misogynists is just a warm up for galvanizing an angry, machete-and-clawhammer wielding bitch brigade. With the right feminist leadership, any enclave, no matter how overrun, can be protected.4. Feminist is only a few letters removed from Opportunist. The only thing we're more afraid of than having our faces eaten from our still-screaming skulls is being subjected to another few centuries of subjugation by a bunch of conservative, vag-hatin' cretins. Basically, feminists would be more than happy to turn Mr. Right Wing Fascist into Mr. White Meat Entrée for our new favorite pets, the undead, if given half a chance. And once we've eradicated the problem (and cleaned up the bodies), the rest of the human race will finally be free to take deep sighs of relief and get on with creating social order that favors such audacious "feminist" ideals as rights-of-personhood and justice over slavery and imperialism.Maybe the zompocalypse wouldn't be such a bad thing. Besides, I've always wanted a dog named Mr. Chompers, but a zombie would be an okay stand in.RIP Mia.[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6mQdnr6dm4&w=480&h=360]

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Neil Gaiman Advocates for Making Good Art

The Great Neil Gaiman on making good art, doing the impossible, and taking the time to enjoy it (via http://polentical.wordpress.com). Go ahead, take twenty minutes to be inspired. :D

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I Need a Gardner

lilac.jpg

This is just a short post to mention the greatest, biggest, greenest news happening this week. MOVING! Yay! Mr. Universally Talented and I have adopted not only an amazing house, but also an amazing garden. There will be mud. And also pears, strawberries, apples, plums, grapes, apricots, gooseberries, raspberries, garlic, herbs, and whatever else we find back there. Whew! Now I just have to learn to can.A few images. I'll be back to the inter-tubes as soon as the dust settles.[slideshow]

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Movie Review: The Avengers and Why Joss Whedon Should be One of Them

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hPpG4s3-O4]Who is your favorite Avenger? Mine is, hands down, Joss Whedon.Full disclosure: I have never read a Marvel comic. Additionally, I was ambivalent to all the movies that have come out with Spiderman, Ironman, Captain America-man, Green Swollen Man, Hammer Man, etc. I enjoyed the movies for the ever-advancing special effects, but felt their overall depth was not quite up to my expectations. Or maybe standards. Either way. [Note: The aforementioned standards do not apply to horror films. Just sayin'.]But you take a master screenwriter and director like Joss Whedon, throw in some amazing special effects, kick-ass technology, superb actors (okay, maybe not all of them, but we'll leave that to your personal judgement) who can fulfill the roles of both a super-hero AND a complex human being, and suddenly, I begin to sit up a bit straighter in my seat and take notice.A short list of elements that make the Avengers stand out as superior to the other Marvel super-hero movies:

  1. The main external conflict in the single hero stories is between them and an enemy, with a sub-conflict (or, one could argue, a primary conflict) with themselves. This is a fun story to see unfold once, but since all of the Marvel movies are the same story, varying only in the tightness and design of the heroes' latex suits and handy gadgets they get to use, it's become overdone and unoriginal. Whedon had the freedom and maneuvering room to move beyond this tired theme and take our heroes to a new level of conflict. Not only did they have to fight a common enemy, but they had to learn to do it together. Thus, most of the Avengers focused on the intra-personal clashes and struggles that would naturally come about when you put a demi-god, a narcisstic genius, a sir-yes-sir, bottle-enhanced super soldier, and an invulnerable and unbeatable scientist-slash-mega monster together. After the epic fight scenes we've all gorged ourselves on in the previous Marvel movies, it was high time for exposure to a battle of another sort: a battle of wits. Something Director Whedon excels at.
  2. That being said, Whedon didn't let us down when it comes to the reason the child in us really loves super-hero movies. The action and destruction were spectacular. I'll say one thing about Bruce Banner; he loves to stomp the holy hell out of New York City.
  3. And the third and most unexpected bonus of the Avengers was Scarlett Johansson's character, Natasha Romanov. Almost 49% of you are saying "duh," but I'll explain what I mean. Unlike sweet, affable darlings such as Betty Ross or Mary Jane Watson—who are lovely, true, but consistently need a good saving at the hands of their respective heroes—Nat Romanov can and does lay down plenty of hurt on her own. Naturally, being a Joss Whedon film, no one would expect the female lead to take a side role, and once again hats off to Whedon for putting Johansson's character front and center. In a turn of particularly subtle brilliance, there's a point in the film where Hawkeye states the distinction between the Black Widow's identity as a spy instead of soldier, or, in other words, someone who uses wit and intelligence rather than brute force to extract information. This is important in that it gives Johansson's character layers that you rarely find in either super-hero personas or the female characters that inhabit the sidelines of the films featuring them.

And for one final bonus, Mark Ruffalo's portrayal of the Hulk was to date the best of the best. Conflicted, neurotic, nerdy, depressed, heroic, the list goes on. And with the most soulful eyes in Hollywood, who better to embody such a range of characteristics? The good news is, there's a chance we'll see more of Mr. Ruffalo in this role.If you are a comic book fan, a ten-year-old boy, a ten-year-old girl, an action-lover, a Joss Whedon fan, a green screen worshipper, trying to speed up your rate of hearing loss, or simply looking for a stellar two-hour span of entertainment, the Avengers is the movie for you.Bechdel Test status: Does not pass.

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Writing Advice from Paolo Bacigalupi

Had a pretty awesome experience this week when I logged into Twitter just to see what was happening in my twitterfriendverse. Turns out, it was moments until a live chat with the one, the only Paolo Bacigalupi, hosted by Little, Brown School, part of Hatchette Publishing. There may or may not have been embarrassing squee's of joy and excitement emitting from my office.For those who don't know, Bacigalupi is amazingly cool for two reasons: he's a Coloradan, and he also happened to win both the Nebula and the Hugo awards for his breakout novel the Windup Girl in 2010.From Amazon.com, about the Windup Girl:

Anderson Lake is a company man, AgriGen's Calorie Man in Thailand. Under cover as a factory manager, Anderson combs Bangkok's street markets in search of foodstuffs thought to be extinct, hoping to reap the bounty of history's lost calories. There, he encounters Emiko. Emiko is the Windup Girl, a strange and beautiful creature. One of the New People, Emiko is not human; instead, she is an engineered being, creche-grown and programmed to satisfy the decadent whims of a Kyoto businessman, but now abandoned to the streets of Bangkok. Regarded as soulless beings by some, devils by others, New People are slaves, soldiers, and toys of the rich in a chilling near future in which calorie companies rule the world, the oil age has passed, and the side effects of bio-engineered plagues run rampant across the globe. What happens when calories become currency? What happens when bio-terrorism becomes a tool for corporate profits, when said bio-terrorism's genetic drift forces mankind to the cusp of post-human evolution? In The Windup Girl, award-winning author Paolo Bacigalupi returns to the world of The Calorie Man; (Theodore Sturgeon Memorial Award-winner, Hugo Award nominee, 2006) and Yellow Card Man (Hugo Award nominee, 2007) in order to address these poignant questions.

Side note: Don't read this novel if you really like elephants. However, to find out why you shouldn't, you'll have to read it. *shrug*Needless to say, his writing style is gritty; it's dark; it's daring; it's complex; and it's rich. He's been compared to early William Gibson and Ian McDonald with the intensity of his vision. The Windup Girl was one of those rare books that captures you on the first page by eliciting a mixture of fascinated horror and eager curiosity. Am I gushing? If you're a fan of dystopian fiction and you give Windup a chance, you'll soon see why.So, back to last week. Paolo is on tour promoting his newest novel the Drowned Cities and graciously made himself available for questions about the novel and writing in general. After getting over my bashful hero-worship (bashful? me? haha!), I posed the following question: You mentioned in a Westword interview a couple of years ago that you'd struggled for awhile to become successful as a writer. Do you have any advice on how to make that struggle easier for new writers?Take heed fellow writers, the master hath spoken.Paolo: For me, being able to writer boils down to recognizing what's important to me, and then being brave enough to do it. And to completely let go of worries about whether something will sell or whether other people will like it. It's hard. Also, finish what you start, no matter how stupid it seems in the moment. Everyone goes through lost faith moments. Relentlessness pays off if you're learning along the way. Tenaciousness matters for writers. It took me thirteen years to break in, and four failed novels. It's hard work. You have to enjoy the act of writing. It's the one thing you really have control over. Everything else, you just have to work at it and hope.In a nutshell: bravery, letting go of fear and worries, being willing to work hard, relentlessness, tenaciousness, loving what you do, and not losing hope. That's it! So easy! I just can't imagine why everyone doesn't write! After all, it's about as easy as becoming a samurai or an exorcist.And, of course, the beauty of being a writer, and secret as to why so many of us continue doing it, is that you really can become a samurai or an exorcist (or any damn thing you want) on the page. In other words, the satisfaction of well-written words makes the struggle worth it. If you find yourself facing any of the obstacles Paolo mentioned, just think of him as a shining, brilliant example. Thirteen years of struggle doesn't make you a failure; it can make you a success.For more tips on becoming a successful writer, I also recommend Lindsay Buroker's recent post Three Tips for Self-Publishing Success.

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Smashwords TOC Formatting on Mac OSX with MS Office 2010 Explained

The Smashwords Style Guide does a superb job of explaining exactly how to reformat your MS Word document to conform to their submission guidelines—if you're using MS Office for PC. But! If you're on a Mac using Office 2008 or 2010, there's a giant hole in the explanation of how to create your Table of Contents. And of course, with no TOC, your document cannot be accepted in their Premium Catalog, thus not distributed to external retailers like Sony or Apple. Has anyone else had this problem?In brief, the Smashwords instructions for creating your TOC are:

  1. Manually type out your TOC headings (which are probably your chapter headings, as well as your title page, epigraph, prologue, etc.) at the beginning of your document.
  2. Go to each chapter heading or document section, highlight it, and choose from your menu or ribbon Insert -> Bookmark.
  3. Return to the opening TOC and individually highlight each manually-entered TOC entry. Once highlighted, right click, choose Hyperlink, and select the Bookmark label you assigned to that specific item. You should see this menu after you choose Hyperlink.However, if you're on a Mac, you see this menu.

See the difference? There is no list of Bookmarks and no option to hyperlink to one.After a series of almost comic emails between Smashwords tech help and I, their final response was (apparently, since they never sent me a final response), "Sorry, can't help you." I guess no one at Smashwords uses a Mac. However, through trial and error, I figured it out and am glad to be able to share it with you.Here goes.

  1. Follow steps 1 and 2 above as described more fully in the Smashwords Style Guide to create your bookmarked chapter headings.
  2. Return to your manually-created TOC at the beginning. Highlight the first entry and right click on it. You will see the floating menu with the highlight option. Click on Highlight.
  3. Here's where things are different. As illustrated in the screen capture below, you'll need to add your Bookmark names to the "Link to:" field, starting with the pound sign (#). In geek-speak, your Bookmark is called an anchor and you're linking to it. You need to enter the Bookmark name exactly as you a typed it when you created it. Of course, the issue here is that you can't actually see the names you already created, so you'll either need to write them down separately or remember them. (NOTE: If there is a way to see them, I'd really appreciate it if you would send me that information in the comments. Thanks!) If things are working as described, the "Display:" field will auto-fill with what you've highlighted, and the "Anchor:" field will fill in as you type in the "Link to:" field.
  4. Choose "Enter" and voilà tout! You have a TOC entry that now correctly links to that chapter headings in your document. Repeat by linking the remaining TOC entries to their respective chapter headings or document sections, then link each of the chapter headings and sections to the TOC as described in the Smashwords Style Guide, and you're done.

I hope folks find this helpful. Please feel free to send me any questions via Twitter at @TammySalyer or in the comments.

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Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Itzujv4JwU]What is the thing that you most fear? The monster under the bed? Unstoppable zombies gangling through the moonlight? Giant snakes that can swallow you in one bite and let you to slowly digest in their thoracic cavity (I'm sure that description is not quite biologically apt, but you know what I meant)? Maybe something else? Something even more gruesome? Here's a thought project for you: imagine that thing that you most fear, and now imagine it times a thousand. Wouldn't you be tripping all over yourself to go see a movie featuring THAT!?Why are you shaking your head? Hello?Okay, well, perhaps my movie taste is a touch, ahem, unique, but don't let that dissuade you. If you ever sat through a movie like Evil Dead, or Dead Snow, or even one without the word "dead" in the title, like the Walking Dead, er, no, like Night of the Living Dead...no, wait, I'll get it, um...Fright Night!—whew, as I was saying, if you ever watched a movie like one of those and had even a fleeting moment where you thought to yourself, "This is the grooviest gorefest of all time" then Joss Whedon (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly fame, among others) and Drew Goddard's (involved in such projects as Lost and Alias, and writer of Cloverfield) latest collaboration, the Cabin in the Woods, will send your horror-loving heart into spasms. Of joy, just to be clear.With a tagline such as "You think you know the story" one thing you know you can count on are surprises. But let's face it; we've all seen movies that had a bit of a shock, and we've all become almost numb to the expectation of the unexpected. Us gore junkies are always looking for the next big thing, the next big whallop that sends the adrenalin glands into overdrive and the stomach lurching so far up the throat that we have to bounce in our seats to get it back down where it belongs. With Josh and Drew, we can relax, because those gents know how to deliver.So it's off to the deserted, dilapidated cabin in the woods we go with our five vacationing college friends. Of course, if we weren't in such capable storytelling hands, we'd already be yawning. But no, we're not yawning. We're sitting raptly attentive in our seats, hands clutched together just beneath our chins knowing that at any moment, we'll have to yank them up to our faces to cover our eyes as the real show begins.And when it does, get ready, because you won't be expecting this.I wish I could tell you more, but suffice it to say, the anticipation is part of the experience for this movie. The characters are all charming and well cast, the setting is perfectly eerie, and the story leaves nothing to be desired. If you, like me, enjoy a good arterial spritzing and prefer your horror with a side of humor, the Cabin in the Woods is what's for dinner.And because I can't help myself, here's a tiny, two-word, pseudo-spoiler: Sigourney Weaver.Bechdel Test status: Squeaks by, barely.

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Publishing Pains: Part Three, the Final Word

If you read the other two posts in this series, particularly this one, you're aware of the many avenues and bits of software I explored in order to create my first ebook. After considerable trial and error since--I've put out a couple of shorter stories as standalones and my debut novel, Contract of Defiance--I can safely say that I've narrowed down the process to three specific tools. If you have these, you will be able to create your own ebook relatively easily (I'll mention again, I've created all my ebooks on a Mac).

  1. Adobe InDesign ~ traditionally used to design printable materials such as books, newsletters, brochures, etc. InDesign works beautifully and mostly seamlessly with other Adobe products (such as Photoshop if you're working with cover design or interior graphics). Adobe CS5 has an newly integrated .epub creation function that outputs the entire .epub file structure provided you correctly format your document within InDesign.
  2. TextWrangler ~ a supremely sweet text editor for Mac. Allows multiple file editing and loaded with features that assist in code development.
  3. KindleGen (with the Kindle Previewer) ~ Free program from Amazon that does a good job of converting your .epubs to .mobis.

The last post contained a bit of railing against Adobe InDesign as an over-robust tool for a ebook file generation, and that is true. You don't really need it once you are familiar with the required files that an .epub is comprised of. However, since I have it, I find it a useful and quick option for generating my .epub folder structure.The real gem here is KindleGen (er, maybe that's what they should have called it?). There may be wide variance in public opinion about the megalith that is Amazon depending on who you ask, but one thing they can claim nearly all credit for is almost single-handedly laying the foundation of epublishing--at least in the sense of making it available and accessible to us wordophile masses. Their KindleGen .epub converter is easily the most user-friendly and explanatory tool I've seen.I have only used KindleGen in connection with the Kindle Previewer, which I prefer over the Adobe Digital Editions viewer for two reasons: often, I'll find that graphics do not display in ADE correctly, whereas I have not had that problem with the Kindle Previewer. The other reason is simply that the Kindle Previewer is a better, more intuitive user interface. The best news of all, is that once you have both the Kindle Viewer and KindleGen properly installed, when you open your .epub in the Kindle Previewer, it automatically creates a separate converted file as a .mobi. However, if there is anything wrong with the .epub, the application generates a lengthy and explicit detail of what exactly went wrong (down to the line number of whichever file threw your error). You can then fix that in your .epub, and re-convert. It really is an excellent tool for creating both versions of your ebook.For the sake of brevity, I'll just summarize the biggest takeaway for .epub creation, and that is, there are many ways to do it, but take it from someone who's tried a proportionately large number of them, the three tools above are all you need to get you where you want to go the fastest, and hopefully with the least amount of headaches. If anyone has questions about tools, or conversion steps, I'm happy to help. Feel free to send me a tweet @TammySalyer or comment below.

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File Under Awesome

Earlier this month, this bike commuter was legally riding across a bridge in Bethlehem, PA when he was struck from behind by a vehicle. The vehicle tried to flee. However, a city bus driver witnessed the crime and used the bus to cut off the fleeing driver, and waited for the police to arrive. It was all caught on the city's traffic camera. A link to the full story is on the YouTube page. The cyclist was not seriously injured. Love it when people think quickly and band together to help each other out, especially when it involves keeping bikers safe. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7AVC1YCcO0&w=480&h=360]

Enjoy what you've seen so far? Subscribe by using the 'Click to Follow' button or enter your email near the top of the page, and never miss a post.

All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

How to Raise Your Children to be Feminists, or as I like to call them, People

Teaching Children the Meaning of Gender ParityI was in a recent virtiolic debate level-headed and meaningful discussion with a couple of friends over this previous post regarding the inequities in pay between female and male pro-sports figures. I happily report that everyone came out of the discussion unbloodied and, at least on my part, grateful for the opportunity to gain more understanding about the variety of factors that inform both perspectives on athletics in general and attitudes regarding women in sports.Even more interesting, however, was the question posed by one friend who is the father of a toddler: "what would your take be on how to raise a son who is masculine and plugged into his wild nature, yet sees women as equals and not to be coddled?"You can imagine the wicked delight in which I reveled for a few brief moments, pondering the myriad ways to go about answering this question while drawing fully upon the thunderous and venomous righteousness of the grand-poobah-feminist-on-high authority granted to me by virtue of my awesome and powerful gender—then I relaxed and came back to planet earth. It’s a serious question, and one that I’d never really considered before.But consider it I did. The foundations of our value systems begin to be laid at birth, and our first and often most influential teachers are our parents. Despite the fact that I will never be a parent, I believe the pervasive rumor that parenting is hard. When I started to consider what it would take, given certain conditions within our society, to teach children ideas about and appreciation for gender parity, it hit me how hard that job really is. As a personal thought experiment, it seemed like an interesting challenge to figure out what values I would want to pass on to any children that were incautiously left in my care, and how I would demonstrate those values (while attempting to avoid the “do as I say, not as I do”cliché).There is so much more to it than this—as no doubt every parent would tell me—but I think these are a good start.

  1. Rape and sexual violence are never a joking matter. If you feel like making a joke about it, remember that 4/5 women you know have experienced it. Would you make a joke about rape if your Mom or sister had been raped? Probably not, so don't do it. Period.1.1 If someone around you makes this kind of joke, remind them of the above.1.2 Make children realize that the goal isn't for women to learn how not to get raped, but for men not to rape them.1.3 When they are old enough to start getting frisky with someone, they should never assume silence is consent.
  2. Using physical dominance to get your way is only appropriate when you are being attacked and have to defend yourself, or are playing a sport where size is part of your advantage and wielding it accordingly is acceptable. People who win arguments by hurting their opponent are hardly more enlightened or advanced as a species than gorillas or ants.
  3. Awareness is crucial. Seek out and understand how strategies employed in language, images, stereotypes, pay inequities, historical accounts, media, and culture in general work against minority groups and women (and in many cases, promote violence), i.e., phrases like "you guys" as a catchall for addressing a group; "you run/cry/throw like a girl"; "you're a pussy", etc. Explain how terms like "feminazi" are an attempt to conflate women who identify as feminists with an unreasonable, dangerous, and violent political force that got what was coming to it (thus implying that feminists should “get what’s coming to them.”) Be aware of the epidemic in movies/TV shows where women's only roles are as supporting characters for men, or TV shows/movies where the hero "gets the girl" (which are most of them, and whether she ever showed interest in him or not). Know what the Bechdel Test is. Burn magazines like Maxim. Understand that when you see commercials where a scantily dressed, attractive woman is draped across a car/bike/billboard/fill in the blank, the message is that both the object and the woman are part of the package, and both equally attainable as an object to the buyer. Realize how things like TV commercials about products like laundry soap or floor cleaner where women are pitching the product 99 out of 100 times reinforce stereotypes about women's roles being "in the kitchen," "domestic servants," and NOT suited for "real" professions or careers. Teach children how using words like "bitch" for women who stand up for themselves or refuse to kowtow to an expectation of how women should behave (because of gender roles and rules), is wrong and an intimidation tactic to keep women "in their place."
  4. Respect everyone, not just people who can beat you at arm wrestling or keep up with you on a trail run, i.e., people who can physically dominate you.
  5. Teach a son that his masculinity (whatever that is) isn't threatened if a girl beats him on a math test or has a better vocabulary than him.
  6. If you’re a father, demonstrate equality by half the time being the partner that cleans the floor and does the laundry while your wife/partner takes it easy on the couch with a beer.
  7. Be a vocal advocate for gender parity. If, as a man, you win your race division and get $100 and the woman who wins her division only gets $50, protest this, and tell your children how and why it is wrong.
  8. Foster friendships between boys and girls.
  9. Make sons understand that birth-control is equally their responsibility.
  10. Help children read the Bible with the understanding of women's roles at that time and in those cultures, and why those roles are inappropriate, particularly in modern society. Ensure they know that the Bible has never been translated by a woman, and (regardless of your feelings about religion) those who wrote and translated it had a vested interest in preserving patriarchal roles and value systems.
  11. Teach children that modern chivalry is not about women being weak, but about being polite, thoughtful, and willing to protect other people because it is right, not because they're your property or you want something from them.
  12. Seek out historical accounts of events that were written and experienced by women, as women have been erased from most of history and their contributions are still less frequently taught in modern curriculum. Same for minority groups. Ensure children know what the effects of past things like war, famine, politics, etc. were on the women that lived, fought, and died during them.
  13. A biggee—sexual politics. Make them understand that a woman who has multiple sexual partners is no more a "slut" than a man who is just "sowing his wild oats." Teach them how these terms are wielded differently to condone sex as acceptable for men but not for women. Teach them how women's bodies have been used historically as tools of patriarchies for ensuring the continuation of men's lineage in hierarchical systems. In other words, how women's bodies and sex were controlled and treated as the property of men.
  14. Make sure children understand that welfare originated because prior to the women's and civil rights movement, it was legally permissible for an employer to pay women less, thus making it impossible for women to earn a living wage without being married to a male "breadwinner." There were so many widowed women and disabled people after WWI that the nation realized they would have a starvation epidemic on their hands if they did not do something to supplement the wage gap. Teach them how these economic inequalities also imposed heterosexuality on those who might not otherwise have been.
  15. Understand that women who self-identify as feminists are not all the same, and that they're people first, just like children. Teach them that the majority of feminists don't hate men. They hate being treated as less than men.
  16. Teach them that catcalling or unsolicited comments on how a woman looks or dresses are not complimentary; most women consider this intimidating, violating, and/or threatening. Understand this and honor women's rights not to be afraid to walk down the street. [And by the way, have you heard of the Hollaback movement? Pretty much the coolest grassroots street harrassment-fighting initiative ever.]
  17. Teach them that gender is not a binary but a continuum, and that enforcing gender roles, such as only allowing women to wear skirts and only allowing men to serve in combat, is exclusionary and discriminatory.
  18. Remember, men are not a standard. Never judge the worth or credibility of something strictly by how many men contributed to or were involved with its creation. The reverse is also true. Never automatically discount something's worth or credibility based on how many women contributed to or were involved in its creation.
  19. Learn that beauty is just a physical characteristic of person, and not a measure of their value or worth. Also teach them that beauty is a moving target, not a fixed ideal. Teach them to recognize that fake, airbrushed images of so-called beautiful women are a lie and serve to obfuscate the myriad differences and qualities in women of all kinds that make them beautiful on many levels.
  20. Understand the realities for women of lower socio-economic classes who are victims of domestic abuse. Before blaming women for staying with an abuser, learn about and understand the cultural forces that ingrain in women a low sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and trust in their own self-reliance. Understand that many women, especially those with children, have no alternative to staying with an abuser in order to continue to support their families.

Like I said, just the tip of the iceberg. But taking each of these points individually and using them every day as a foundation for helping children develop an understanding of the world and the contributions they can make to improving it, seem, at least to this non-parent, not terribly daunting. What other methods can we, as a just society, incorporate in our collective child-raising responsibilities to promote respectful and egalitarian future generations?My thanks to The Amazing Hip for prompting this post.

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.