What do dreamy blue eyes, steroid cocktails and giant hammers have in common? They are all the main components of the new Marvel comic-adapted movie Thor. Notice what is missing from this main component list: good acting, strong plot, complex and well-developed characters. But who needs those minor elements when you have Marvel’s legions of fans backing you? Let’s break this down.First, blue eyes. Yes, I’m a sucker for a nice pair, but when they become the only noteworthy characteristic of a movie’s main character, I can’t help but feel as if there just isn’t enough movie in my movie.But wait! They’re NOT the only characteristic of Thor, as played by the once hunky Aussie actor Chris Hemsworth. There is the apparently constant diet of anabolic milkshakes that turned this formerly proportionate actor into something both unnaturally lumpy and strangely grody (to revive an adjective from my middle school years). I almost couldn’t see his head, much less his eyes, on top of that over-inflated Sequoia stump of muscle mass. Note to bodybuilders--when the diameter of your neck exceeds the diameter of your brainpan, it’s time to drop the barbell and walk away. Godiva’s sake man, something could burst!Then of course, there is Thor’s massive hammer, Mjölnir, which, despite Odin’s not-too-subtle remonstration that it could actually be used for building as well as destroying, Thor wields like a supersonic baton of death throughout the film. Seriously, Thor’s mad twirling skillz would easily make every Majorette in the world cower in shame at their pathetic and puny human artifice. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying: Thor could expand his repertoire of hobbies to include marching in a baton-twirling troupe. He really is that good. You can probably tell I’ve never read the Marvel comic namesake of this movie. The aforementioned legions of fans may well, most likely do in fact, have a completely different takeaway from it than I did. Besides, it’s not as if i didn’t enjoy it. Where ever did you get that idea? I am easily entertained, after all. As long as there are epic special effects, plot is optional. Other perks included Anthony Hopkins, who I’ve often wished I could just sit down and have tea with. The man has more presence and acting ability than half of Hollywood combined. And of course, Stellan Skarsgård is always a delight. His role in Good Will Hunting has won him permanent kudos in my book (Breaking the Waves notwithstanding). But the absolute highlight--SPOILER ALERT--was the cameo by Jeremy “I make Modesto more than just some hick burg in the flats of California-land” Renner. I won’t go into more detail than that.So, the big question you’re probably asking yourself is: Should I see this flick or not? Unfortunately, only you can answer that. If you love Marvel, big muscles, metaphysical questions about magic vs. science, and Natalie “I’m the female Matt Damon” Portman, then the answer is unequivocally “yes.” But, and this is a big but, if you require a strong story and meaningful character arc, you may prefer to see the next Harry Potter instead. Just sayin’.
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