the vag

Parlance Pandemonium, Vexatious Vernacular, and Loose Lingo: Language and the Power of Words

This is a post about the relationships between language and the words that we use, writing, cycling, and feminism. Given the wide range of subject matter, you can probably guess you’re in for a meandering and possibly, though I'll do my best not to make it, obtuse undercurrent direct from my often muddy stream of consciousness. But hey, this isn't an academic research paper, and you probably wouldn't read it if it were.Trigger! Warning! Disclosure! Flashy Red Lights! I’ll be using words that most people find either offensive or bawdily humorous from here forward. Here's a good chance for you to grab a cool beverage and maybe tab over to Twitter to check up on the current cycling race or [fill in the blank] sport updates. Or just skip down to the last couple of paragraphs that focus on writing. Your choice.As so often happens to me—I can't imagine why—I was recently involved in a debate about the use of the "c" word. Nope, not Clinton, the other "c" word. Yep, cunt. You see, I have this reputation as a feminist, probably not a big surprise to you, dear readers, and to many feminists, and women in general, the “c” word is considered the lowest, meanest insult there is. I don’t see it that way.Let me back up and tell you why cunt became such a, if I may, hot topic. And this is where cycling comes into the flow. Because, yunno, cycling is just another “c” word, at least to some. (Looking at you, Novitsky and Tygart.)Procyclist and one of the favorites for this year’s Tour de France Bradley Wiggins gave a press conference last week where he flung vitriol and expletives at those who claim any cyclist who could win the TdF must be a doper. I chimed in with my full support of his tirade, which caused a close friend to question in what universe a feminist ideology can be accepting of anyone using the “c” word, especially in the pejorative sense. Wiggo said,

I say they’re just fucking wankers. I cannot be dealing with people like that. It justifies their own bone-idleness because they can’t ever imagine applying themselves to do anything in their lives. It’s easy for them to sit under a pseudonym on Twitter and write that sort of shit, rather than get off their arses in their own lives and apply themselves and work hard at something and achieve something. And that’s ultimately it. Cunts.

I should mention that Wiggo, in case you hadn’t noticed, is a Brit and, in my understanding, the “c” word is a much more commonplace and universal pejorative in the UK than here. In other words, not quite as charged and anti-woman as in the US. I could be wrong in this assumption, however, since my closest association with English culture comes from growing up listening to the Clash and yes, cough, even Duran Duran.So why am I not opposed to being called the “c” word? Happy you asked, because it gives me a chance to tout one of my all-time favorite books, Inga Muscio's Cunt. Yep, that's the name of the book. It’s usually not shelved in the children’s section at your local bookstore. However, it is one of the greatest feminist reads you'll ever purchase, and she is a lovely and talented writer. The gist of why the title is that word is based on a sociolinguistic strategy of language reclamation. As you probably know, there is an intersection between feminist and sociolinguistic theory that revolves around language and how it is used / wielded to maintain a status quo. Part of the premise of Muscio's book discusses the origins of the word (originally a venerated goddess), and how it was co-opted by patriarchal forces and turned into a epithet. She analyzes how and why this type of thing happens (you should read Cunt and Rianne Eisler’s The Chalice and the Blade for a deeper discussion of this), and then boldly discusses how women have it within our power to reclaim the words that once stood for our strength and dynamism—cunt being one of the most loaded—and in essence, turn the tactics used to derogate them back around.I read Cunt for the first time over ten years ago. Since then, I've never really considered the use of the word derogatory—in the sense that I think that anyone who calls me a cunt in an offensive way is really just saying, "I fear your strength and power and am cluelessly using this weak term in an attempt to establish dominance over you (and failing miserably)." In other words, I take it as a roundabout compliment when someone calls me a cunt. Yeah, I get that it’s NOT really a compliment, but the lesson here is that language is dynamic and requires both an actor and a receiver to give it veracity.And finally, because I’m a writer and a lot of you are writers, let me bring this subject back around to how it relates to, well, writing.We love words. It’s a flamboyant, fathomless, messy, challenging, salacious, and sometimes painful love affair that forces us to do terrible, terrible things. We kill people; we level buildings, cities, hell, sometimes even entire planets; we kick puppies and bury our in-laws alive in hidden coffins. Why? Because we can! Because the words are there, and we revel in leveraging them to achieve any and all nefarious deeds our demented minds can dream up. Being the wordsmiths that we are, we care A LOT about the structure and intent of our every sentence and every word. We are the type of people that will often recompose the same email dozens of times, even if it’s simply to say “I’ll be there for dinner,” in order to ensure that just the right amount of enthusiasm or reticence is beaming through our recipient’s screen of choice. We have been known to throw out five or ten synonyms at time for a single word in a heated debate because we’re too impassioned to settle for just one.We, above most, understand that language, dialect, syntax, accent, and inflection are all key components of our writing, especially vis-à-vis characterisation. Applied carefully and deliberately, they become critical components in how we shape our readers’ grasp and impressions of our characters’ personalities, attributes, tastes, thoughts, intentions, and overall existence. Without unique and specific applications of language, all characters would sound, and thus in our readers’ minds BE, the same. And this strict attention to language doesn’t stop at characterisation, but extends as far as the tone of our novels and stories. The way we develop our narrators’ patterns of speech and the words they use flavors our works, making them either light and rich, like a banana cream pie, or heavy and dark, like a Kells Guinness Stout Cake.In summary, words are the magic wand that we, as writers, wield with all the dexterity of a Hogwarts graduate. It’s a heavy and shifting responsibility, but we embrace it because we are power-hungry despots whose one goal in life is to bend and warp the minds of our minions. What better way to achieve this than through the thing we all share: language.

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

Decent People Don't Discuss That Thing That (Sorta) Rhymes With "Kachina"

Michigan lawmakers last week were forced to ban one of their own from speaking on the House floor because, apparently, the use of the word "vagina" could potentially lead to the sudden, heinous, and irreversible destruction of all the moral tenets that separate humanity from the low things that root in the mud and communicate exclusively through grunts and snarls. No, I don't mean Republicrats, but I can see where you'd think that.

Congresswoman Lisa Brown cunningly referred to the "vagina" while debating a new Michigan bill that would limit access to abortion. She was subsequently censored and banned from speaking by House Speaker Jase Boiger on the grounds that she had violated "decorum." Because, yunno, abortion and vaginas are both kinda icky, and there is never a good reason to talk about female anatomy when debating things that relate to, um, female anatomy.

With a vow to defend the vag, Rep. Brown has teamed up with one of said anatomical bit's staunchest supporters to wage an all out war on human decency and challenge the power of the pricks who currently control the Michigan House by rubbing their noses in a whole lotta vag. That's right, she and the Queen of the Coochie Snorcher, Eve Ensler, will spend an afternoon performing the Tony Award-winning Vagina Monologues on the steps of the Michigan State Capitol. Lansing and the surrounding areas have been alerted to the potential that 51% of the state's population may suddenly begin rioting when they learn that the proper name of that hairy triangulate below their belly buttons is, in fact, not officially named the "sincave," "Satan's doorbell," or even a "canker blossom."

In summation, I highly encourage all to visit this website and let Rep. Boinger, oops, I mean Boiger, know exactly how you feel about Americans, especially elected lawmakers, invoking their First Amendment rights to discuss things that could potentially rip to shreds the very fabric of social order. I mean, really, if we start accepting the vag as normal and discussing it publicly, the next thing you know, we might start thinking women should be in charge of them!

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.

How Feminists Will Save the Human Race From the Zombocalypse

I strongly suspect that when the zombie apocalypse strikes, the only group of survivors who will be capable of saving the human race from complete obliteration will be feminists. Here's why.1. Feminists are always prepared. When the gore-bespeckled monstrosities come knocking at our doors, most people simply won't believe they could be brain-sucking pariahs and will do what comes naturally to most people—either try and talk some reason into the munching marauders, or run away. Not so feminists. When strange, craven-looking men come knocking at our doors, we barely have to bookmark our place in the latest copy of Ms. Magazine before dealing with the issue at hand. It's a simple matter of choosing which of the variety of blunt instruments we keep ready near every access point to our cat-infested abodes at all times with which to turn those gaping maws and grasping claws into so much pulped tar-tar for Muffin and Tiger to enjoy at their leisure.2. Feminists know where to get weapons. Let's face it, no one knows their way around a home improvement store better than a feminist (who not only will fix that leaky faucet herself, but will search every fuggen aisle of the store for that oh-so-elusive gate diverter before asking some condescending dudebag for help), and there is no place more stocked with zombie-defense paraphernalia than a Home Depot or Lowe's. Once the reality of the zombocalypse has sunk in and we've beaten the maniacal meatsacks from our doorsteps, that's the first place we'll go. And, being naturally inclined towards cultivating consciousness-raising sewing circle enlistees, we'll bring as many women as we meet along the way with us.3. Logic rules the day. When it comes to fighting hordes of hungry horror-show extras, what you need is a cohesive unit. Next to a military platoon, no one has more skill at circling the wagons than feminists. With perceptions sharpened by consistently having to weed friend from foe, feminists can quickly and mechanically size up any group, figure out who's strengths are where, and deploy everyone to immediate and effective action. Fighting through rioting mobs of misogynists is just a warm up for galvanizing an angry, machete-and-clawhammer wielding bitch brigade. With the right feminist leadership, any enclave, no matter how overrun, can be protected.4. Feminist is only a few letters removed from Opportunist. The only thing we're more afraid of than having our faces eaten from our still-screaming skulls is being subjected to another few centuries of subjugation by a bunch of conservative, vag-hatin' cretins. Basically, feminists would be more than happy to turn Mr. Right Wing Fascist into Mr. White Meat Entrée for our new favorite pets, the undead, if given half a chance. And once we've eradicated the problem (and cleaned up the bodies), the rest of the human race will finally be free to take deep sighs of relief and get on with creating social order that favors such audacious "feminist" ideals as rights-of-personhood and justice over slavery and imperialism.Maybe the zompocalypse wouldn't be such a bad thing. Besides, I've always wanted a dog named Mr. Chompers, but a zombie would be an okay stand in.RIP Mia.[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6mQdnr6dm4&w=480&h=360]

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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.