What happens when you throw a nearly undefeated mixed martial arts champion into the "ring" with director Steven Soderbergh and such heavy-hitting Hollywood giants as Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, and Ewan MacGregor? Yep, pretty much what you'd expect.If you saw the trailer to Haywire, then you already know exactly what the movie is about. Exactly. A woman working as a gun-for-hire gets burned by her employer and must piece together why while trying to save her own skin. That's it.Haywire dances around the cage, never quite landing on being either an action movie or a thriller, but throws eye-watering punches every time the audience starts to get a bit bored. And I mean this almost literally. The film's sequence of events can easily be summed up in one line: stuff happens, Gina Carano kicks the shit out of some hapless mutt who's in way over his head, more stuff, more Gina battering men as if she were the vengeful ghost of every domestic violence victim in all of history, a little more stuff, and Gina finally gets her man. The plot surrounding the fight scenes in Haywire seems only to have been necessary in order to have the film show up on movie theatre screens instead of a giant cagefighting stage at the MGM or Ceasar's in Las Vegas, and it's meandering simplicity reflects this.Director Steven Soderbergh stayed very true to form by keeping every scene, with the exception of the fight scenes, yawningly subtle (think Solaris or Sex, Lies, and Videotape). The audience is almost duped into thinking there is more going on under the hood than what appears. He must have realized by the end of the film that he'd cut too many threads loose, and attempted to neatly tuck them all back in during one final scene of revelation. If not for this, the audience would have left the theatre feeling just as dazed as if Carano had landed one of her signature Muay Thai kicks to our heads.Do not get me wrong. Even though Haywire is by no stretch of the imagination analogous to a female lead Bourne-type film, Gina Carano's blazing fists-of-fury awesomeness goes a long, long way. I highly doubt anyone who is interested in seeing this film is going because they expect Oscar-worthy writing or performances. Despite the great actors mentioned, the movie revolves completely around showcasing Carano's undeniable talent as a fighter and being one sexy woman. Throughout the entire film, my own girl crush on her was doing the equivalent of a teeny bopper at an Elvis show.One thing I will give Haywire that might surprise you is something you don't get from your usual Hollywood heroine; and that's authenticity. Unlike, say, ninety pound and nearly muscle-free Zoe Saldana or Angelina Jolie, when Carano slams a knee or fist into someone's guts, you're really hoping she doesn't mis-time her strike and knock her sparring partner into oblivion. This is a woman that could easily--like in her sleep--turn your average person on the street into a crying mound of quivering wuss-flesh before they could shriek "tap out". Her illustrious MMA career made the fight scenes in Haywire almost as good as being ringside.Haywire, of course, comes nowhere near passing the Bechdel Test (there were only three scenes throughout that had any other women, and these were mostly just crowd), but it's essentially a technicality that fails it. Carano's character is at least the lead, and the movie isn't a romantic comedy (gag!). The good news is that Gina is a natural at showbizness, and her acting abilities are not as bad as they could be (think Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal). Though for her first big Hollywood film, she may have been better featured in something a little more down-to-earth, like Michelle Rodriguez's Girlfight (an all time fave of mine).If you're an MMA fan, or just like watching women fight like gladiators, this one is definitely for you. But, if you're hoping for an in depth, complex, and rich thriller/suspense film, you'll be better off waiting for the next Bourne (which, rumor has, will feature (girlish squee of joy), Jeremy Renner).Gina doing her thang.
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All content copyright unless otherwise specified © 2008-2013 by Tammy Salyer, writer. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to use short quotes provided proper attribution is given.